Santa Nige

Yes, it’s Nigel Farage! The colossal ninny hasn’t learnt from his light aircraft shenanigans and he’s gone and done it again, crashing a microlight done up like Santa’s sleigh into terra firma at an alarming rate of knots. It looks like he’s survived the impact, but blimey, he doesn’t look in a good way.

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And what’s this? It seems that the crash has knocked some sense into him! The wannabe Fuhrer declares to stunned onlookers that while he was plummeting to earth in his wonky death sled he had an epiphany. It seems that our Nige has had a visitation from Satan himself, and made a remarkable bargain with the spicy bugger. He addresses the crowd:

“Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for coming out today and supporting the UKIP Brits-only Christmas Soup Kitchen. I must announce however that Beelzebub himself has promised to grant me a few precious more years on this earth as long as I promise to love all races and nationalities equally, and send a Christmas card and a chocolate orange to all the lovely hardworking chappies in Brussels. So tuck in one and all, wherever you may hail from – Christmas is on me!”

And with that, Nigel Farage throws bundles of cash to the rejoicing multicultural mob, pours himself a pint of ale, and makes merry until the wee small hours. He’s even nice to the Bulgarians.

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 Written by James Rose.
If you enjoyed the Christmas Dinner UKIP Argument Simulator, please share!
Merry Christmas!
Follow me at @jimbobabu

 

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