Oh dear! You intended to pick out the most racist articles and offensive opinion pieces, but you got distracted by all the full-colour photographs of pretty ladies! Ooh, doesn’t Kate look lovely. You’re no monarchist, but there’s no denying that dress brings out her eyes. Myleene might talk a lot of old shite about the mansion tax, but she does look kinda stylish. And as for Helen Flanagan…
You both go a bit quiet.
Like father like son, it turns out your both just a disgusting pair of old letches at heart. Your perving has put the rest of the family right off their dinner, and sent Mum into a foul mood.
YOU’VE RUINED CHRISTMAS.
Written by James Rose